Marriage staying power.

As we enter the wedding season I think about the excitement that follows the bride and the joy that we glean from helping them to make their dreams come true.  I would like to be able to say that it is always joyful, but sometimes it is just not.  There are things that I see that steal that joy.

One observation that I have had over the decades of brides is that it is often easy to tell which bride will have staying power in her marriage and which will not.  If their focus is on the important thing:  They will be married to their best friend for the rest of their life:  it's gonna last.  If their focus is on this bead and that thread and things that do not truly make or break the happiness of the day:  chances are it's not going to last.  If they are lovely to deal with, I assume that is the normal course of their life.  Their marriage will last.  If they are ugly to deal with, I assume that is the normal course of their life.  Their marriage is likely not to last and will be ugly while it does.

Over the years I have had the privilege to meet many women celebrating their 25th, 50th and even 75th anniversaries.  They all had a common thread to the staying power of their marriage.  One was that they kept their mates first.  Another was didn't sweat the little stuff.  Also they were careful in their choices for their battles.  Some had loving quips for how they dealt with problems in their marriage.  It always warms my heart and often brings a tear to my eye when I am allowed to share their experiences and the beauty love has brought to their lives.

My great grandmother Rose was one such woman.  Her husband fell in love with her when she was a young teen, too young to marry.  George, my great grandfather, spent the next four years in a utter labor of love and hand built an amazing mansion for the love of his life.  He brought her home at 16 and they shared 81 years of marriage.  On occasion I was privileged to stay with great grandma Rose in her amazing house with the grand piano in the foyer.  My love of piano music grew as I sat on the window sill on the landing of the beautiful winding stairs.  Grandpa had a wood shop in the garage and spent many hours tinkering there. Grandma cared for the house and spent lots of time at the church and playing bingo.  I never saw or felt any distention in that house:  only peace and love.  The laundry shoot that spanned three floors was loads of fun to send things down.  I'm sure grandma was a little irritated by this mischief, but she never let it show.  I was very tiny as a child and remember being allowed to ride the dumb waiter to the basement.  Grandma and Grandpa had a lovely garden with little paths that filled their yard.  What fun was had there!

Why did the marriage last?  Probably because they both had hearts filled with God and love. Because they had harmony in their home.  Because they cared well for each other.  Maybe because great grandma always allowed her husband to be the head of the household.  She was the good strong neck that kept that head turned in the right direction.

So as we enter this new season of brides I will likely impart some little wisdom in hopes that they too will have a marriage like my great grandparents did.

This photo is of John and Ann Betar:  Click on the link to see their story.

Couple Celebrates 80th Wedding Anniversary, Shares Secrets to Lasting Marriage

Merry Christmas to one and all.

The value of the product.

With a tough economy presiding over us we have seen an increasing trend towards buying online.  When a client starts their shopping adventure it often begins on line.  Of course a savvy client will have researched things before she heads out shopping.  In that research she will no doubt discover a myriad of choices displayed on lovely websites.  Over the past few years there has been an increasing trend copycat dresses.  Of course this has always existed, but the prevalence has risen with the internet and the global market place easily accessible.

As we plan our event we imagine that the dresses that the supplier is offering will be exactly like the picture.  The picture created by a reputable designer:  their personal creation of artwork.  When that photo is seen and then the product the quality and workmanship becomes apparent.  The copycat gown will not be the same as the original design.  When your copycat gown arrives you will find that, nearly without exception, the cut, the fabric, the construction, the embellishments ...everything will be different than the original.  Should you hang the two gowns side by side you will find that they are different on nearly every level:  not even comparable 

Over the last several years increasing numbers of clients have arrived at our salon in distress over an on line order that had gone badly.  It could happen that you get a gown that is satisfactory and you are happy, but there are greater chances for disappointment in the end.  These clients have already spent good money on a gown that is either poorly constructed, ill fit, or can not even be made to work for their event.  The problem is that the price was so alluring.  The prices are often listed on line for far less than the reputable designer is willing or even capable of producing their garments.  This client now finds herself having a lot of stress and is often near desperation because she now has no time to order from the reputable manufacturer.  The reputable manufacturer will take any where from 16 - 32 weeks to produce your quality garment.  The china factory will offer you your product in 3 weeks.  Perhaps that should be one of the first red flags.

She now finds herself having to make her second choice as the first one simply is not available in her time frame.  Or she will need to order on a rush, which drives the costs up as well.

There have been countless law suits for infringement on the works of art that these designers create:

American Bridal & Prom Industry Association, Inc. , Mon Cheri Bridals, LLC , Promgirl, Inc. , Maggie Sottero Designs, LLC , La Femme Boutique, Inc. , Bari-Jay Fashions, Inc. , Alyce Designs, Inc. , Allure Bridals, Inc. , Watters Designs, Inc. , Next Century Productions, Inc. , Mori Lee, LLC , Emme Bridal, Inc. , Simone Cavalli Corp. , Bonny MT Enterprises Co., Ltd. , Casablanca Bridals, Inc. , Impression Bridal, Inc. , Formosa Sunrise LLC , Essense of Australia, Inc., Edward Berger, Inc. , Jovani Fashion Ltd. , Lizzette Brodsky , Frank Disantis, Precious Formals, Inc. , Countess Corporation, Jordan Fashions Corp, Eve of Mi Lady have all been litigants just to name a few. 

What?!?!? I hear you say.  Yes, over the last twenty years the designers of formal gowns have worked very hard to protect their creations.  They are now deemed as works of art.  It is not uncommon for a designer to spend an entire month creating a creation.  She might spend even longer in the actual production of the creation.  Much time and effort goes into the creation of a gown.  Some designers design every aspect of their gowns, the fabric, the lace, the beadwork:  every little detail has involved thought, development and creation.  Yet a desperate Chinese factory might bang out a cheap imitation of the gown and in the neglect of the intimate details create something that is vastly different than the original gown which they are advertising to be offering.

Many reputable designers do not allow their gowns to be made available on the internet.  They protect their works of art and creations valiantly.  They recognize that the product must be seen, touched, tried on to fully appreciate it.  There was a time when artists of this type were respected and appreciated for the great efforts that they took.  Unfortunately today's client tends to have been raised in this hot and now: more for cheap, cheap, cheap society.  So the belief has developed that the product has little to no value in spite of the tremendous efforts that are involved in creation.  I seldom hear a client exclaim:  Oh my goodness!  That must have taken months to make that!!  And indeed it did.  No, we no longer hear that sort of appreciation.  What we do hear on a regular basis is that "the cost of a gown is ridiculous!"   I mean after all, it is only going to be worn for one day.  As an artist this is very demeaning and depressing to experience.  After all, the money is not what anyone would define as great, so clearly the efforts are acts of love.

So you know the old saying:  "If it's too good to be true:  it probably isn't true."  While you may only wear this gown for one day:  you will have a life time of memories to accompany you.