One observation that I have had over the decades of brides is that it is often easy to tell which bride will have staying power in her marriage and which will not. If their focus is on the important thing: They will be married to their best friend for the rest of their life: it's gonna last. If their focus is on this bead and that thread and things that do not truly make or break the happiness of the day: chances are it's not going to last. If they are lovely to deal with, I assume that is the normal course of their life. Their marriage will last. If they are ugly to deal with, I assume that is the normal course of their life. Their marriage is likely not to last and will be ugly while it does.
Over the years I have had the privilege to meet many women celebrating their 25th, 50th and even 75th anniversaries. They all had a common thread to the staying power of their marriage. One was that they kept their mates first. Another was didn't sweat the little stuff. Also they were careful in their choices for their battles. Some had loving quips for how they dealt with problems in their marriage. It always warms my heart and often brings a tear to my eye when I am allowed to share their experiences and the beauty love has brought to their lives.
My great grandmother Rose was one such woman. Her husband fell in love with her when she was a young teen, too young to marry. George, my great grandfather, spent the next four years in a utter labor of love and hand built an amazing mansion for the love of his life. He brought her home at 16 and they shared 81 years of marriage. On occasion I was privileged to stay with great grandma Rose in her amazing house with the grand piano in the foyer. My love of piano music grew as I sat on the window sill on the landing of the beautiful winding stairs. Grandpa had a wood shop in the garage and spent many hours tinkering there. Grandma cared for the house and spent lots of time at the church and playing bingo. I never saw or felt any distention in that house: only peace and love. The laundry shoot that spanned three floors was loads of fun to send things down. I'm sure grandma was a little irritated by this mischief, but she never let it show. I was very tiny as a child and remember being allowed to ride the dumb waiter to the basement. Grandma and Grandpa had a lovely garden with little paths that filled their yard. What fun was had there!
Why did the marriage last? Probably because they both had hearts filled with God and love. Because they had harmony in their home. Because they cared well for each other. Maybe because great grandma always allowed her husband to be the head of the household. She was the good strong neck that kept that head turned in the right direction.
So as we enter this new season of brides I will likely impart some little wisdom in hopes that they too will have a marriage like my great grandparents did.
This photo is of John and Ann Betar: Click on the link to see their story.
Couple Celebrates 80th Wedding Anniversary, Shares Secrets to Lasting Marriage
